queerguru had never imagined that when we all fought and won the right for same-sex marriage that we would end up embracing ALL the same traditions that heterosexuals have practiced for years. We are not talking here about things like dressing all our unmarried girlfriends in garishly colored ‘unfortunate’ bridesmaids dresses, but something much more fundamental like the way we find a mate to get hitched too in the first place. We just assumed that with the wealth of the so-called gay dating sites that seem to increase in numbers every day, that it would be so easy to hook up with a suitable candidate. How wrong could we be. The pickings for a Mr Right are slimmer than the size of most of the alleged online penis sizes, although there are a great many men happy to be your Mr Right Now anytime.
No real surprise then that some single homos are looking to revive some of the more traditional methods are finding a partner. One option is too look for our own Dolly Levi to seek out a mate as mitzvah to our (Jewish) parents, but some members of the Indian LGBT community who don’t have that many options open to them, have gone one step further, and actually started gay arranged marriages.
It has long been the custom in India for parents to pick appropriate spouses based on caste, class and education. Being good-looking is of little consequence in these cases. Evidently as many as three in four Indians still prefer to finder a partner this way, evidenced by the newspapers full of ‘matrimonial’ personal ads seeking brides and grooms.
Of course it’s not quite that easy for gay men and women. Not only are same-sex marriages illegal in India, so is being homosexual. Thanks to the Colonial Brits who ruled the country back in 1860 they made homosexuality a punishable crime and several attempts to change the Law since then, have failed.
Last May Indian rights activist Harrish Iyer received half a dozen proposals after his mother placed a matrimonial advertisement in an Indian newspaper. The advert, believed to be India’s first gay matrimonial ad, was placed by his mother, Padma Iyer, in Mumbai’s Mid-Day newspaper. Mr Iyer,, told the BBC at the time that his mother, like “any other in the world”, was worried about his wedding prospects and decided to place a newspaper advert. “She is going through the proposals, she will draw a shortlist and tell me who to meet. I am looking forward to meet them. I am hoping to find a partner now,” he said.
However when SCOTUS made their landmark decision last June Joshua Samson an Indian/American based in US, was determined to help spread some light to the huge underground LGBT community in India, and help people who feel like they have can never be helped. Samson originally intended that his company Arranged Gay Marriage provide a service to help gay Indian-Americans find Indian spouses but soon found out there were other he could help too.
The company reports that there has been a variety of demand since the it started in November last year. There are Indians seeking Indians, Indian-Americans seeking others in the Indian diaspora, and people from countries like Mexico and Canada signing up as well. So far, Samson has received around 300 requests, but only around 25 have been chosen as clients. He claims the selectiveness weeds out those who do not seem serious about getting married, who are simply looking for green cards or expecting mail-order brides and grooms.
An article in PRI summed the need for this service with a very poignant quote “Our lifestyles are so illegitimate that … it’s just very lonely,” said an Indian woman studying in New York City who asked not to be named. “The idea of an arranged marriage can seem a bit archaic, but as an avenue to find someone to be with, I think it is great.”
