There Is Nothing Like A Dame

Explaining the British Honours System where twice a year H.M. The Queen (advised by a Political Appointed Committee) hands out fancy Titles and Awards for allegedly the “good and the great” of the Country, to a non-Brit is far from easy. In theory any member of the public can be nominated to receive one of these accolades, but in reality the Lists (the latest one being today’s New Years Honours) are so littered with cronies of the present Conservative Government, that there has been quite an outcry in the UK media that once again the system has been hijacked to reward the Party’s big donors and supporters in particular.

This claim is hardly new, and in fact many of the country’s landed gentry and aristocracy owe their present title and position in society to the fact that their forefathers greased the palms of the ruling monarch centuries ago. It is because, like many things in the UK, it is all so steeped in tradition which none of us ever really see fit to question. For example, why are all the awards given on behalf of the British Empire still (as in O.B.E. : Order of….), and equally important, why is the highest honor given to a woman is when they are made into Dames, which sounds positively like something from a Pantomime or Musical Theater?

Nevertheless despite all the absurdity (or because of ?) it is still something of a British national sport to check the list and see who has made it this time, and try to fathom out why. It’s quite a game trying to work out what was the criteria for deciding who got the best ‘honours’ whilst similar people ones for the ‘runner-ups’! Here are today’s ‘winners’ that caught our attention.

Matthew Bourne: the out gay award-winning choreographer of the all-male ballet Swan Lake was made a Knight. He is the very first person in the dance world outside of a national ballet company to be so honoured.

Barbara Windsor: the 78 year-old ‘cockney’ actress known for being in all those ‘Carry On’ Films in the 1960’s and now lately in Britain’s long running TV soap “Eastenders” and who is something of a gay icon, was made a Dame.

Siân Phillips : the 82 year-old Welsh classical actress who first caught the public’s eye in “I Claudius” and became a favorite star after appearing in the West End as Marlene Dietrich, and who also was once married to the late Peter O’Toole, was made a Dame.

Imelda Staunton: has being wowing London’s audiences this year for her performance as Momma Rose in “Gypsy” ( a role that she will repeat in Broadway this year) gets a C.B.E. (Commander of British Empire) to add to her O.B.E. Ms Staunton is married to actor Jim Carter who plays Mr Carson the Butler in “Downton Abbey”.

Daman Albarn : the lead singer of Blur gets an O.B.E.

Peter Morgan : screenwriter of “The Queen” and “Frost/Nixon” gets a C.B.E.

So after they celebrate today what can these people expect? Well apart from adding the initials of their awards after their name, and some now start being addressed as Dame (instead of Mrs), they’ll get to put on a smart frock one anointed day this summer when they will be invited to go to Buckingham Palace for their Investiture where the Queen will hand out their awards (also known as gongs). However it is getting a tad more relaxed these days for when leading artist Grayson Perry went to collect his C.B.E. from Prince Charles (who was standing in for the Queen) he also wore a dress too.

Now not everyone approves of the whole system, and there have been several well-known people who have declined ‘the offer’ of an Award (such as actress Vanessa Redgrave who was on the List to be a Dame). Others later change their minds, like John Lennon who returned his MBE to the Palace as a protest against the country’s support of the Vietnam War. And then there are those to turn out to be not so ‘good and great’ after all, and like Anthony Blunt the Queen’s own Art Custodian and later spy and traitor, you can get stripped of your title too.

P.S. There is always a need to read between the lines when it comes to the Brit Honor List as in the case today of the C.B.E awarded to Ms Jacqueline Gold with the citation “For services to Entrepreneurship”. Ms Gold, the 16th richest woman in the UK, is the C.E.O. of the Ann Summers Sex Shops and is best known for introducing the ‘Rampant Rabbit’ sex toy to Britain, where it remains a bestseller among such intriguing products as the ‘Orgasmatron’, the ‘Shagasaurus’ and the ‘Vibrating O Ring’. Just saying…