The “very devout Christian’ (sic)  temporarily occupying the White House has desperately tried to compare himself and his actions to God and/or Jesus, with such disastrous results, particularly when it comes to aping the Lord’s greater miracles.

Jesus performed his first public miracle by turning water into wine at a wedding feast in Cana of Galilee, as recorded in Bible Gateway. At the request of his mother, Mary, Jesus had servants fill six large stone water jars with about 120 to 180 gallons of water, which he transformed into fine wine and it cost a single drachma. Meanwhile, the Orange Man didn’t stray far in DC and managed to change the blue water in the Lincoln Reflecting Pool to dirty algae green.  He blamed vandals (!), but the Justice Department later reluctantly admitted rushed, faulty contractors caused the damage.

The Orange ex-businessman-turned-politician estimated the work would cost $1.8 million, but both the pool and the cost grew greener every day and ballooned to $14.7 million to $16 million. Neither he (nor Jesus) footed the bill; it was left to us, as in the first line of the US Constitution…….We, the people……

Now he has come up with his latest wet idea.  Panicking that the Media is committed to drowning him over the mid-term elections, he has decided the best way to fight back is to shut down the White House Press Room where he has to face all those inquiring journalists who piss him off by asking questions.  Since he is already building a new Ballroom and a helipad, he doesn’t need much else (God forbid he and Melania get a bigger bedroom together); he’s planning an indoor swimming pool.  The space actually had one before, during Franklin D. Roosevelt’s presidency, when they built a pool on the west terrace to help the president manage his polio symptoms.

What is hard to believe is the fact that in 1970, President ‘Tricky Dickie Richard Nixon, who was about as fond of the media as the Orange Man is now,  arranged for the pool to be covered and for the space to be transformed into a press briefing room to accommodate the expanding Washington media.

Frankly, we have suspended all belief in what the Orange Man is doing, destroying the White House and the city, which will take scores of armies of Queer Eye Experts to restore. Our concern at this stage is far shallower and more short-term.  However, we are literally panicking; most is the very idea of us actually posting a pic of the elephantine orange man wearing just a pair of Speedos by the pool.  Quelle Horreur