Written by JUDE CRAMER and reprinted from https://www.intomore.com/The gay community is chock-full of stereotypes, including (and especially) in the bedroom. That’s why one gay guy took to Reddit to ask why people jump to conclusions about his sex life in a post titled, “Is it normal for short men to be assumed as bottoms?”
“Many people I’ve met, including gay ‘acquaintances’ have told me they thought I was a bottom due to my short height,” he wrote in a post. “There might be some aspects of mine that make it seem like I’m such, but most of the time I’ve been told it’s due to ‘my short and thin body.’” (In a comment, the poster confirmed he’s 5-foot-4.)
“I’m vers, and have no problem with bottoming, but every time I admit someone I’ve topped they get a bit surprised,” he concluded.
The gays are asking: What are the most attractive jobs? “In my experience, an Excel wiz is a freak in the sheets.”
First things first, is that poster’s problem a common experience, or is he just unlucky? According to other commenters, yes, gays will categorize each other based on height.
“Yes, absolutely yes,” reported one commenter. “I’m 5’3″. I’m also skinny as hell. I only attract taller, often older tops even though I can top just as well as I can bottom, being a verse.”
The assumptions go in the other direction, too: “I’m very tall and you should see the disappointment in people when I say I’m a bottom,” one commenter shared. “Just because I’m big and tall I get the ‘he’s a dom top’ look from people, which is the complete opposite of what I am.”
Combine the short-bottom and tall-top assumptions in one couple, and it leads to some amusing conversations, as one person commented. “People always assume that my husband (5’6″) is the bottom in our relationship since I am older and taller (6’0″),” he wrote. “It always tickles my husband telling them they are wrong and I always just smile and nod happily.”
All that being said, though, why are those stereotypes so prevalent in the queer community? One highly upvoted comment had a few ideas.
“I feel this is in part heteronormative and sexist preconceived notions…because a man is supposed to be taller than his wife/girlfriend, right?” they suggested. “I think it’s also due to stereotypes in porn that further reinforces the idea. It really makes no difference. I’ve known guys who are over 6 foot and prefer to bottom.”
Another commenter agreed, adding that there are many more factors than just height shaping what gay men assume about one another.
“Certain gays have all types of subconscious bias about what it means to be a top or bottom. Unfortunately it’s not about who likes the feeling of giving or receiving (although it should be),” they wrote. “These guys make it all about who’s fem, who’s masc, who’s tall, who’s short, who’s skinny, who’s muscular, who plays the little sub and who’s the big dom daddy. They put everyone into these porn-based boxes.”
Labels: 2024, Intompre, Jude Cramer, queer dilemma, Tops or Bottomw
